I am starting medication for postpartum depression tomorrow! I don’t know why but that feels kind of embarrassing to say, and a little depressing. But I am going to say it anyway. I was tempted to not say anything to my doctor today because the last 2 days haven’t been too bad, but now that I have done it I am glad I did. It is kind of a relief.
I realized a few days ago that maybe I was having a problem after feeling like I was having a 5 day panic attack. Then there was the moment when I thought, “I can understand why people hurt themselves.” Not that I was or am planning on hurting myself, it’s just that after feeling like crap for so long and really not being able to say “this is why I feel like crap,” a person might want to have a physical reason to attach the pain to. And it was so painful for those few days that I didn’t know how much longer I could fake a smile and participate with social interaction. And that is just ridiculous! And definitely not conducive to my paycheck, because I deal with people all day long.
I wasn’t going to say anything to my husband either. I didn’t want him thinking he had a “crazy” wife. He does so much to help out with the kids and the house and I didn’t want to feel burdened by my issues. I did tell him though, and he of course wanted to know if it was because of him, and of course it’s not. I think I felt a little bit better just saying something to him.
So now we will see if a little Lexapro will turn things around. Maybe in a couple of weeks I won’t have to force myself out of bed and then lie to everyone I see that “everything is great.” Right now that facade makes me want to puke. Wish me luck, Universe, wish me luck.